Monday, October 13, 2014

I'm wearing lipstick because penguins.

Can we talk about lipstick? Lipstick is another one of those ideas that I love, but have difficulty with in practice. It's not that I don't like the stuff--I do! I love that you can get a great shade of lipstick for under a buck. I love that with a five-second swipe, you can change your entire look. If you're going to be writing on mirrors, nothing works better than red lipstick. No, my problem with lipstick is mostly all in my head. Let me explain.

Usually, I don't wear anything on my lips, not even a basic lip balm. This is the easy way to do things. I can eat and drink without getting lip stuff everywhere, and I don't have to think about touch-ups.

Sometimes, I'll wear a tinted balm or a light, shimmery, pink lip gloss, but these are hardly noticeable and tend to wear off pretty quickly.

There's nothing wrong with the above options, but deep down inside, I crave something more dramatic, something more glamorous. Deep down inside, I crave red lipstick. Like this:

It's not bad, right? I usually feel fine about it when I put it on, but things change as soon as I leave my house. I become self-conscious and insecure. I wonder if I can "get away with it," as if I'm doing something that isn't allowed. I suddenly become transported back to my middle school years, when I first started wearing makeup. People teased me back then, mostly boys, including my dad. I thought I looked nice, but they liked to tell me that I wasn't a pretty girl, and had no right to pretend with my orange foundation and brown smudges of eyeshadow. It took me years just to feel like I deserved to wear makeup. Eventually, I became comfortable with makeup, but for some reason, I never got there with lipstick. So, when I wear a regular shade of red lipstick, I can't help but imagine that it looks more like this:

My issues are compounded when someone inevitably comments on it. Then I start to wonder if it looks bad, if I look ridiculous, if I should have skipped it altogether. You would think that no one would care about my lipstick, but there is always at least one person who doesn't just comment on it, but wants to know why. Why are you wearing lipstick? It's an absurd thing to ask, so I tend to give an equally absurd answer. I'm wearing lipstick because my feet hurt. I'm wearing lipstick because penguins. I'm not wearing lips must be bleeding!

I've been wearing lipstick more and more often lately, and I'm finding that it is getting easier each time. I imagine that one day, it won't make me think twice, not even if someone asks about it. It's a small thing, but it is important, just one more step in my journey to be exactly who I am and to do what I want, without apology.

For the curious: We have to talk about this amazing tee for a second. I bought this from a roller derby bout in Bozeman, MT to support the visiting roller derby team, the amazing Electric City Roller GrrrlZ. Is there anything cooler than a tee that says "Eat Brains!" in a fancy, pink font? No, there is not. Check out the back:

If you haven't gone to one yet, get your butt to a bout! It's so much fun, and these ladies embody awesomeness. And of course, their merch table has some incredible tees; I got mine for just $10!

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